In today’s world, the concept of healing has become a major focus in the conversation around mental health and personal growth. We often hear about the importance of healing from past traumas, difficult experiences, or painful emotions. While this can be powerful and necessary, there’s another perspective worth considering:
What if the real challenge is not about fixing/healing ourselves, but learning to accept who we are and, over time, coming to love the parts of ourselves we struggle to accept?
We can easily get caught up in the idea that we are broken or in need of fixing. When we focus on healing as the primary goal, we may unintentionally send ourselves the wrong message—that there is something fundamentally wrong with us that must be repaired. We’ve all been through challenges and difficult moments that have left us feeling sad, anxious, depressed, or angry.
We often think that accepting our uncomfortable emotions means being overwhelmed by them. It’s easy to feel that, if we let these feelings in, they’ll take over and we’ll be stuck in that discomfort forever. But consider this: you’ve already survived those difficult experiences. You’re already on the other side.
We often engage in behaviours that are really about avoiding the uncomfortable feelings we don’t want to face. We stay busy, immerse ourselves in distractions, or try to “meditate them away.” Yet, no matter how many times we push them aside, they remain, quietly waiting—or sometimes loudly demanding—our attention, saying: “I am here. See me!”
The act of acknowledgment can be incredibly powerful. When we stop trying to “heal” or “fix” ourselves, we create space for something else: Acceptance.
So how do we start to acknowledge our emotions instead of trying to heal or change them? Here are a few alternative practices:
Name the Emotion with Movement
Emotions can become trapped in the body. Movement can offer a way to access and express them without needing words. Tune into your body and let it move in response to how you’re feeling. Are your movements slow and heavy, or sharp and jerky? This can help you identify which emotions might be hiding behind anxiety, such as fear or frustration.
Practical step: Create a playlist of songs that reflect a range of emotions. Set aside 5–10 minutes daily to move your body freely. If you’re looking for some playlist inspiration, fellow Onilien writer George Gould recently provided this in his article “How Music Can Help You Process Your Feelings”.
Use Art to Externalise the Emotion
Art offers a powerful way to externalise feelings, allowing you to explore them outside of your mind.
Practical step: Grab some art supplies and let yourself draw what the anxiety/emotion feels like. You might gain insight into deeper feelings like fear of uncertainty or a need for control.
Dialogue with the Emotion/Anxiety
Instead of suppressing anxiety, try engaging with it. Imagine anxiety as a separate entity.
Practical step: In a quiet space, imagine your anxiety sitting beside you. Ask it questions like “Why are you here?” or “What are you trying to protect me from?” Then let the answers flow without overthinking. Often, anxiety can reveal deeper feelings like guilt, fear of failure, or grief when allowed to speak.
Assign a Time to Worry
Anxiety often feels relentless because we think we need to deal with it all the time. By creating a “worry window,” you can give yourself permission to fully feel your anxiety within a set time frame, freeing up your mind outside of that window.
Practical step: Once a week, schedule a 10-minute “emotion date” where you sit with your feelings. Light a candle, play soft music, or do whatever helps you feel safe and comfortable. Just sit and allow yourself to feel whatever comes up—don’t try to change it, just observe.
Reframe Anxiety as a Signal of Unmet Needs
Anxiety/strong feelings can sometimes be a signal that something important in your life is being neglected or unfulfilled. This could range from unmet emotional needs to a lack of alignment with your values.
Practical step: Next time you feel anxious, ask yourself, “What need isn’t being met here?” Is there a need for security, rest, social connection, or a sense of purpose?
By acknowledging rather than resisting our emotions, we make space for acceptance, which can ultimately lead to transformation. Instead of healing the parts of ourselves that feel uncomfortable, perhaps the most profound shift comes from recognising that we aren’t broken—we are simply human. Over time, we may even find ourselves loving the very parts we once struggled to accept.
In what areas of your life could accepting, rather than changing, bring you more peace and healing?
