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Dear Dania: Feeling Like a Burden on my Boyfriend

Dear Dania,

I don’t like my job and I have been depressed for a while now because of it. My boyfriend has been incredibly supportive however I sometimes worry that I may have become a burden on him. For the record, he hasn’t said anything to me of that effect, but I feel that he is becoming rather impatient with me. What should I do?

Lucy*

Dear Lucy*,

Thank you for your letter.

I am sorry to hear about your current struggles. Unfortunately depression can void us of all colour, and transport us to a type of underworld where this flavour-less life is stuck on repeat. Embarking on a quest to inject some colour back into our world can, quite frankly, be exhausting and arduous. It can certainly be challenging for our loved ones to witness our struggle with the greyness, given that all they would want is to share some of their light.

You mentioned that you have been depressed due to work. Given that job dissatisfaction in the UK is at an all time high, this is not surprising. What is it about your job that is causing you such distress? Is it the work/life balance, the work culture, or perhaps the field that you are working in? If you haven’t done this already, I would encourage you to reflect on this. Remember that it is okay to leave a job when a personal matter supersedes (as long as you have a way to pay for your bills!). There are certainly times where you can justify a short stint, so don’t feel that you are obliged to sacrifice your mental health for the good of your CV.

Now, I understand that looking for a different job whilst dealing with depression can be an incredibly challenging task. Exploring your next steps can certainly feel daunting, particularly when done on your own. I wonder whether you might be able to ask a loved one for some assistance? I would also encourage you to see your GP. They will usually inform you as to what types of treatment and support is available to you.

You said in your letter that your boyfriend has been very supportive, however you are sensing that he may feel quite impatient with you now. Have you expressed this to him? Depression can cloud our judgement, so might this be guilt that I am sensing? Of course, I don’t want to make assumptions here and I would encourage you to have a conversation with your partner. However, I am also aware that some people with depression are more prone to feeling guilt and shame. These feelings can arise from societal expectations, personal beliefs, and low self-esteem. For example, if you feel as though you should be “resilient enough” to deal with this on your own or that your issues are not “bad enough”, then you are likely to feel some guilt and/or shame.

Please remember that relationships are not always easy – there will always be good times and bad times. Right now, you are going through a rough patch, so it is essential that your partner support you as you are navigating the underworld. He is, of course, human, so there may be times where he might be sad or frustrated or even impatient with you. There may also be occasions where he might miss some of the colours that you used to emanate.

Healthy support isn’t always going to be perfect, and that is okay.

For more information/tips please click here or alternatively you may want to consider seeking full time therapy as a course of action.

I wish you all the best.

Your sincerely,

Dania

Dear Dania is for informational purposes only. Always seek the advice of a mental-health professional, or other qualified health practitioners with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. We may edit your letter for length and/or clarity.

*The author’s identifying details have been changed in order to protect their privacy.

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