Inner Critic: You’re really struggling with this article, aren’t you? You can’t seem to write anything worthwhile.
Wounded Part (child): I know… I’m trying my best, but it just feels like nothing I write is good enough.
Inner Nurturer: It’s okay. Writing can be challenging sometimes, but you’re making progress.
Inner Bully: Progress? Ha! More like a waste of time. You’re never going to write anything decent.
Inner Nurturer: Ignore that voice, sweetheart. You have valuable ideas to share, even if they’re not perfect.
Inner Critic: But this article needs to be perfect. You can’t afford to publish something inferior.
Wounded Part: I know… I’m afraid of failing, of letting people down.
Inner Bully: And you will fail. You’re not talented enough to write anything worthwhile.
Inner Nurturer: That’s not true. Your words have value, and your effort is admirable.
Inner Critic: Fine, but you need to work harder. You can’t give up now.
Wounded Part: Okay… I’ll keep trying…
Inner Nurturer: That’s the spirit. Remember, it’s okay to struggle. We’ll get through this together.
Have you ever felt like there is an ongoing conversation inside your head? Maybe a part of you wants to speak up, while another part holds back, unsure of the consequences. This inner dialogue reflects the complex interplay of our psyche’s various parts, each competing for recognition and understanding.
Inside each of us, there are different parts that make up who we are. These parts represent different facets of our personality, beliefs, emotions, and behaviours. They often emerge in response to various life experiences, serving specific functions and coping mechanisms. Some parts may be nurturing and supportive, while others may be critical or protective. Understanding and integrating these parts is essential for achieving inner harmony and wholeness.
The theory of parts of self finds its roots in various therapeutic modalities, including Internal Family Systems (IFS), Gestalt therapy, and psychodynamic theory. Developed by Richard Schwartz in the 1980s, IFS proposes that the mind is comprised of numerous sub-personalities or “parts,” each with its own unique characteristics and motivations. This multiplicity of self is a natural response to life experiences, serving as adaptive mechanisms for coping with challenges and navigating the world.
For a long time, there was a constant war inside me. Parts of myself, which I will here call sub-personalities, would come forward, demanding to be seen, claiming the primary position, without me even realising their ‘game’. Sometimes they argued, and the one that was strongest would take over and show itself.
For example: Imagine you’re giving a presentation at work. You prepared well and felt confident going in. But as you start speaking, you suddenly feel a wave of nervousness wash over you. It’s as if a younger, scared version of yourself has taken control, making you stumble over your words and forget what you were going to say. This inner conflict between your confident self and your fearful self can make it challenging to deliver the presentation smoothly.
It took me a very long time to ‘see’ the different parts of myself, to understand what each part wanted and identify its purpose. Tired of my inner conflicts, which made me feel like I was working against myself instead of for myself, “The Self” declared the round table of negotiations open and began to act as a mediator between all these chaotic inner voices, inviting them to listen to each other.
Tired as well of conflicts, they listened and thus learned to recognise their gift and contribution to the Whole. But, most importantly, to accept one another and try to coexist in peace.
Insights from My Inner Negotiations
Thus, one by one…
M The Good Girl,” who is often conflicted with almost all the other parts, but learned to accept “The Angry M,” the conflict-seeker. She understood that this part was only trying to make itself heard, set boundaries, and avoid being hurt.
“The Fearful M,” who craved safety, home, and the known, conflicted with “The Explorer,” who was eager to make mistakes and experiment. Fearful M understood that without The Explorer, she could not learn or develop. The Explorer learned not to hide but to love herself – by understanding her role: without her, the growth of the Whole would have been slow, if it happened at all.
“The Religious M” conflicted with “the Spiritual”, “the Agnostic”, and all the parts that challenged her fragile faith. She understood that all were driven by the same goal: to know the Truth.
“The Melancholic M” accepted her travels and escapes into the astral and fantastic, magical worlds, understanding that without these escapes, the Whole would not have so easily faced the reality in which it existed.
“The Puritan M”, often clashed with the part of M that wanted to explore her sexuality and femininity. Now, she realises that without this internal conflict, she wouldn’t have been able to integrate these aspects of herself. Likewise, the part of her that embraced sexuality understands that without the grounding influence of her puritan side, it would have been easy to lose herself in lust.
“The Lying M” understands that the world would have seemed more threatening without her presence, as she took on the role of Protector of the Whole. Today, she trusts that the Whole has found its Courage and can manage without her constant vigilance.
“The Stupid M” realised that she was the driving force behind the pursuit of knowledge and study, always striving for perfection.
“The Social M”, eager for social interaction, exposure, and praise, often clashed with “Hermit M”, who cherished isolation and solitude. However, those parts realised they couldn’t exist without each other. The Hermit aids in recovery, introspection, self-discovery, and connecting with the Unknown, while Social M contributes by sharing the insights and knowledge the Hermit accumulates. They came to understand and appreciate each other’s gifts.
I am certain there are parts of myself I have not yet recognised, both old and new. Nonetheless, I’ve come to understand the complexity of my being. The table for inner negotiations is always open. I no longer fear being limited to just one way. I honour them all, as each contributes to the whole and reveals the limitless nature of my being.
How Becoming Aware of These Different Parts of the Self Will Help You:
By understanding your thoughts, feelings, and actions, you uncover the richness of your inner world.
As you learn about the different parts of yourself, you begin to see the bigger picture. You gain insights into why you think and feel the way you do, helping you navigate life’s ups and downs with more clarity.
But it’s not just about the easy stuff. It’s also about embracing your vulnerabilities and treating yourself with kindness, even when things get tough. This self-compassion builds resilience and strength, guiding you through life’s challenges.
As you embrace all parts of yourself, you start to feel more whole and complete. You no longer feel fragmented or torn between conflicting desires. Instead, you stand confidently in your truth, living authentically and aligned with your values.
Getting to know yourself is a bit like understanding who lives in your own house and what they’re all about. When you figure out what’s going on inside, like who’s there and what they’re struggling with, that’s when you can start making things better. It’s like turning on a light in a dark room—you see what’s going on, and that’s when you can start making changes and finding peace.
So, take a moment dear soul to explore your inner world. By understanding and engaging with it, you open the door to a more fulfilling and authentic life.
