In recent years, I believe that we’ve made great strides in destigmatising individual therapy. More and more people are now embracing therapy as a valuable tool for personal growth and mental health maintenance. However, despite this positive shift, I’ve noticed that there’s still a lingering stigma attached to couples therapy. For many, the idea of seeing a couple’s therapist is often associated with failure or as a last resort before the end of a relationship.
It’s puzzling that, in so many aspects of our lives, we recognise the importance of regular check-ups and maintenance – whether it’s taking our cars for annual MOTs or going to the gym several times a week to care for our bodies. Yet, when it comes to our romantic relationships, so few of us actively invest in their health. I wonder how different things might be if more people saw couples therapy as a way to keep relationships running smoothly and address minor issues before they become major problems.
Because as it stands currently, by the time many couples seek out therapy, the resentment has already run deep, making it more of an uphill battle to rekindle the compassion and understanding that are vital for a healthy relationship. When we delay seeking help until we’re at our wits’ end, we lose the opportunity to address issues before they fester. Waiting too long can turn small misunderstandings into significant conflicts that are much more challenging to resolve.
Despite the fact there is a way to go, I’ve been encouraged by the fact that we’re starting to see public figures talk openly about their experiences with couples therapy. In a recent episode of The Diary of a CEO, both Simon Cowell and Steven Bartlett discussed their involvement in couples therapy. Hearing two men, especially from different generations and backgrounds, speak so openly about their experiences was refreshing. It’s a powerful reminder that therapy isn’t about weakness or failure; it’s about investing in the most important aspects of our lives.
On a personal note, my own experience with couples therapy has been transformative for my relationship. My partner and I recently completed six sessions, and it’s been one of the most valuable investments we’ve made in our relationship. These sessions helped us understand each other’s triggers and needs in ways we hadn’t before. We learned how to communicate more effectively, with compassion and respect. The insights we gained have made our relationship stronger and it’s an experience I wish more couples would consider.
Let’s be clear – couples therapy shouldn’t be about “fixing” what’s broken. Instead, it should be about nurturing and strengthening the bond between partners. Relationships are complex and ever-evolving, and even the strongest couples can benefit from having an objective, trained professional guide them through the intricacies of communication, conflict resolution, and emotional intimacy.
Couples therapy can provide a safe space for partners to express their feelings, work through misunderstandings, and learn new ways of relating to each other. It’s not just for couples in crisis; it’s for any couple who wants to deepen their connection, enhance their communication, and navigate the challenges that inevitably arise. Indeed, one study by Dr. William Doherty and Dr. Steven Harris showed that approximately 70-75% of couples reported improvement in their relationship after therapy.
Of course, every therapist and couple is different, and there are different therapeutic approaches out there, but you could expect a couples therapy session to involve:
- Open Communication and Active Listening: A couples therapist will facilitate conversations where both partners are encouraged to express their thoughts and feelings openly. The session will focus on improving communication skills, such as active listening and empathy, to help each partner better understand the other’s perspective.
- Identifying and Addressing Issues: A couples therapist will help the couple identify underlying issues or patterns in their relationship that may be causing conflict or dissatisfaction. This might involve discussing past experiences, current challenges, or unmet needs, with the goal of finding constructive ways to address these issues.
- Developing Strategies and Tools for Improvement: Guided by the couples therapist, the couple will work together to develop practical strategies and tools to enhance their relationship. This could include setting goals, learning conflict resolution techniques, and establishing healthier boundaries or behaviours.
In the end, normalising couples therapy means recognising that all relationships, no matter how strong, can benefit from a little outside help. It’s about removing the stigma and embracing the idea that seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness. By doing so, we can create a culture where couples feel empowered to invest in their relationships early on, rather than waiting until they’re in crisis. After all, our relationships are some of the most significant and influential aspects of our lives, and they deserve the care and attention required to thrive.