Transitions refer to events in our lives which feature change. We experience transitions from a young age, from crawling to walking, from nursery to school. How we move through these transitions can determine our relationship with that part of our life. For me, when thinking about transitions three main occasions spring to mind: bereavement, moving away from home, and starting sixth form. I will explore these three big events in my life, the impact they had and still have on me today, and what I have learnt from them.
In her memoir Transitional: In One Way or Another, We All Transition, Munroe Bergdorf – a trans woman and activist – looks at life’s transitions and how these experiences can bring us closer to each other. Her book is what inspired me to write this article.
The Jump From Secondary School to Sixth Form
Writing this at the end of September feels especially poignant, as September will always make me think back to being in education. September represents a fresh start; even now as autumn arrives, I can feel the familiar buzz of the unknown.
I attended a primary and secondary school within walking distance from my home, and starting secondary school felt like a big step. Sixth form brought a new challenge and a new sense of independence. I now took the train to college and had free periods where I could visit town. Starting a fresh without the comfort blanket of well-known teachers and peers was nerve wracking.
Coming from a small town, it was a challenge to leave the comfort of the school I had known for five years. Transitional periods are often a collective experience, bringing us closer together. This time solidified a lot of my friendships, those I call my best friends today. From this transition I learnt how much I enjoyed meeting new people, and I loved being able to choose what I studied. This was a valuable experience which helped my confidence when I moved to attend university.
Moving Away From Home
The first time I moved away from home was to go to university in Manchester, a city I had visited only once before. When I think back to this time, I feel proud that I was able to take this leap. I experienced this transition at the age of 18, and then again at 22 when I moved home after university with no plan, and once more at the age of 23 when I moved to Brighton.
Moving away from home caused a strange feeling. I went from having one home, where I felt at comfortable with my family, to living in an exciting new city with strangers. Initially this was exhilarating as I could live by my own rules to a certain extent. I felt homesick at times but was distracted by my new life as a student.
This transition made me realise that my family home no longer felt like my home the way it had before. My new home in Manchester didn’t feel like home either. I felt like a stranger when visiting home and not fully comfortable in my new home. This transition made me realise what it means to feel at home; feeling safe, secure and loved. I am also still close with the friends I met at university. We went through a lot together, experiencing this new and scary part of life by each other’s side brought and kept us close to each other.
Bereavement
It was during my time at university that I experienced my first loss: my nanny passed away whilst I was in Manchester. The loss was enormous. I had some distance – being away from home, from the grief bubble. Returning home made everything that I had experienced from afar feel real. When I went back to university, things continued as normal. Sometime after the funeral I visited home and told my parents that I was considering moving home for my last year of university, transferring closer to home. They were understandably confused by this idea, as they knew I had a group of close friends and a boyfriend back in Manchester. They voiced these worries to me, and it was then that I saw the ripple effect of grief, how it can present itself in different ways.
Reflecting back on this experience, I am aware of how much the fog of bereavement poured into every part of my life. I felt a lot of separation anxiety from my family, constantly worrying about them. These feelings have only increased as I have grown older. As many transitions do, this experience brought me closer to my family. I recognised the fragility of life and how things are temporary.
How to Cope
In writing about this subject, I have thought of some tips of how to cope when experiencing life’s transitions:
- Share how you are feeling with others. As the old saying goes, “A problem shared is a problem halved.”
- Self-care. This is a coping strategy which suits most situations because it is so incredibly important. Take time to do the things that improve your wellbeing.
- Think back to previous times you have experienced transitions. This helps to reflect on how you have coped previously.
- Some transitions are out of your control. Changes can be difficult to adapt to, so focusing on areas we are able to control can bring about stability.
- Be kind to yourself, change isn’t easy.
Reflecting on the transitions I have experienced so far has highlighted the impact they had on me. I can see these effects in who I am today. These events have become part of who I am, and I have learnt a lot through them. We all go through transitions in life, but it’s how we come out of the other side that matters. Transitions often lead to the unknown, which can cause a lot of anxiety. One of my favourite quotes from Bergdorf’s memoir is “As time goes on, we all develop as people. We all transition. It’s what unites us, not what separates us.“
